you will always have a special place in my vag
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
