Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
