..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
