The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
