I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My dick has a subreddit
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
