I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
