so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
