Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
