I will die if light touches me.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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