Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
