wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
