I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
did i walk over a car last night?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
