he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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