I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
