I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
