But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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