I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
