I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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