Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
