It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
