i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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