We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
