Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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