she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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