But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
