The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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