i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just gift wrapped bread.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
