No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Terrible idea I love it
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
