She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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