How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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