Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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