Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
