You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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