words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
