One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
