obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
