Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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