I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
