At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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