Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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