When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
you never un-have a 4some
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
