did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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