Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
There r osticjed everywhere
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Success! We fucked roommates!
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