and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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