he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
