So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
