I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
