Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
