Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
