Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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