I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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