how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
